Monday, November 12, 2007
Monday, November 05, 2007
Maybe I should do it. Maybe I shouldn't. Help!
2nd visit to Adlabs, 1st movie to watch. Went there with Jeethy after double and triple checking with boss that we could take 2 hours off from work. The movie began at 4 pm.
All I had heard about the movie till the day I had to watch it was its name. About 4 hours prior to watching, heard it was a remake of some South Indian film. Oh well, I don't have a high opinion of remakes in Hindi. What the heck, why lose an opportunity to have an Adlabs experience just if I think the movie's going to be lousy!
Don't ask me about the story line. I don't have much to say about that. All I can say is that Akshay Kumar and Paresh Rawal's on screen wife save the day with their comic timing. Just about 4 songs in the entire length and nothing else that I can say about the movie.
On the whole, watch it if you want to just smile and have nothing else to do.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Glad for her but sad that once more I'm left with no one to talk to face to face.
Scattered friends, voices over distances and letters that are precious. I guess that's how it will always be for me.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
- anyone looking at me?
- do I look like I'm carrying so much?
- should have I have listened to mom and hubby to take someone along with me?
- what if someone mugged me and then killed me?
- what would happen to my family after that?
- all this for nothing?
But hey! those few minutes made me grow a bit wiser. And that wisdom shall be put use if I'm in a situation like last evening again. :)
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
I finally did send M an email this morning. 3 lines of farewell. Got a response about an hour later.
With this I hope there are no more reminders of the time we had together and of how it painfully ended. I do hope and wish that all goes well for him.
I've deleted that email just so that I don't have to remember any more. Please let this be a story ended forever. Any sequels? please let it be more pleasant than this current state of sadness and guilt.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
- The regular transparent one which I'm using on my finger nails. I hope no one notices the bright shiny nails. Not that there's much of the nails to see anyway.
- A weird color whose name I cannot recollect. All I remember is that it belongs to the Street Wear and I use the color on my toe nails.
Monday, October 15, 2007
He's leaves on the 26th of this month. A few more days in hand if I do feel like acting on the emotion that's been driving me nuts ever since I saw his name.
Besides entering a short note that states no dues to the library here, didn't wish him farewell or goodbye. Just signed off the clearance.
There's loads I'd like to say but nothing that seems right. Should I get in touch again or should I just let it go?
Or do I let time take over?
Stopped by the cosmetic counter at Big Bazaar for the first time ever since I've been going there. Was checking out the lip colors on sale. Street Wear was attractive with it's packaging and range of lip colors. However, my eyes spotted Maybelline and I thought 'Why not! let's try it out.'
The lady applied a shade to the my palm and said that it was guaranteed to stay on for 12 hours. And then went on to apply 3 other shades. During this time my mind was trying to decide whether I wanted a color to stay on for more than an hour.
Told the sales lady, I'd check if her guarantee was working and then come back to buy it if the shade did last.
It's almost 24 hrs since and the shade hasn't rubbed off. Not even with me trying to scrub it off.
What the heck do they put in lipsticks and lip colors these days?
Friday, October 12, 2007
After that another 2 steps and the flat at Golden Empire is all mine.
In the meanwhile, for the past 3 days I've been working with a production unit at work on a fashion show piece. Initially I'd thought of trying the belly dancing on stage. In the end, I chickened out just because I felt I'm too huge to fit into hired costumes. Didn't want to hear a team disappointment. However, it gave me immense pleasure that my choreography based on Youtube videos proved fruitful. My students did well on stage.
The only dampener was the rain that poured. Oh well! at least this time it was a real rain dance :)
We won the third spot for the Fashion Show and here I am sitting and typing about it. Tired but very happy.
Have called up home to check on Joel. A few cupboards to lock and then I'm heading to my baby.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
- Have I lost weight? I don't know. The weighing scale isn't that good an indicator.
- Am I getting back into shape? Feels like it :)
In the meanwhile, just one thing at work keeps my spirits low. The team I'm in doesn't seem to feel like a team anymore. I'm choosing to sit quiet and see how things work out. All this on ex-boss's wedding anniversary.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Met AK too. He's put on a bit more 'fat' since I last saw him. Limited time with friends is a curse. Next time I shall make sure I'm out on my own so that I can do justice to all the people that I'd like to meet up with.
I've said goodbye to Friendorama but not without meeting 3 people there. Ganesh, of course, is the first on the list. The others are Brad - in an events management company and Anthony - into HR and head hunting. Let's see how these relationships grow. I sure hope I have these guys as good friends for life.
The good part about Bangalore:
- I got to buy 3 pairs of chappals for Rs. 300. I'm glad. I'm wearing one pair today and they are a real treat for my feet.
- Met AK after a very long time. Hoping to see his little baby once he/she is born
- Loved walking around Commercial on my own. Never will set foot there again unless I need another 3 pairs of footwear :)
The bad part about Bangalore:
- I still don't like the water
- The place still makes me feel sick and yucky
- The place is still as artificial as ever
- Please don't let me drive around that place. I'd rather walk or let someone else do the driving.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Srujan told me that KFC is coming to town. YAYAYAYAY! Not sure which Mall they'll be setting up shop. I just hope it's either in Empire or Bharath which are the current malls in full swing. I'm just hoping the new KFC doesn't compromise on standards and quality. Else I might just have to limit my KFC chicken hogging to each time I visit Bangalore.
- working from Bangalore for a day
- meeting the book vendors the next day
- just going around and doing nothing constructive on day 3
Not sure how much of this is going to happen. But yeah! I do hope to visit a few people whom I haven't seen in a long time.
Neil's wedding is just the added bonus. My evenings are totally taken care of.
On the flip side, the documents required for buying the flat aren't totally in my hands yet. The seller is very interested in receiving his payments soon. Wish he was interested in giving those blessed documents just as quickly too. Who carries that much cash in the pocket?
Please! please! please! let all things happen in good time and favorably for Amrith and me. Would love to have a place of my own to call home.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
The owner comes this Thur and hopefully works on getting the documents required for the sale.
Besides this the only other happening was the BEF Get-together at Pallkhi's Roof Top. Had a pretty good time there with the other BEF's units.
An initial welcome drink and we started with a game of identifying the members of various departments. Each department's members were asked to be seated together. After they completed their identification process, their papers were handed over to another department to be corrected. We (E&R) got HR's sheets and ours was given over to CCD. We ranked second in the game. We also had to speak about the department who's paper we were correcting.
For hungry souls like me the starters that were served from the moment go was a blessing.
After that came another game where we were all shuffled and grouped together based on the animal chit we had got. I was a dog and barking away to identify fellow doggies :D
Once grouped the most handsome dude was asked to represent the group. And represent he did. He was to be dressed up like a lady. My group came second once more :)
Then came the Queen of Sheeba game. The Queen asked for plastic money, longest belt, highest tower and something else which I don't remember. This time my group won :)
This was followed by music, dancing and dinner.
By the end of the evening, there were a lot of smiles, a lot of laughter, happy and content feeling and yeah, thankful surprise of being given a huge mug as a gift. Hope we get to see more such parties at least once in 6 months.
Friday, September 07, 2007
Finding a place that fits within my meagre budget seems like a dream.
Last Saturday there were quite a few places Amrith & I checked out. I loved the flat in Lalbagh - spacious, ventilated. However it was located on the 9th floor. Definite no-no on days when the lift is under maintenance and you have to travel up 9 floors with grocery bags.
Milagres Castle too looked like a nice spot. Though this time 6th floor and the balcony's overlooking the busy Hampankatta road. Definite no-no if Mangalore's placed under curfew.
Then met Sumanth, Amrith's colleague's bro-in-law. Surprised to meet a familiar face once more. Nabin's housemate during college years. He took us to a few places of Apoorva Constructions.
All in all, either the cost is too high or the location's lousy. Will we ever get to see the place we'd like to move into?
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
- The dumped books have been shelved.
- Weeding of unused books happens this week.
- Old journals have already been moved to a storage cupboard allocated for my department
- Got to add a whole bunch of domain related books
- CDs get shifted cupboard
- And fast moving books will be placed in the cupboards closer to me.
Here's what I face sometimes:
Desk phone rings
Caller: Hello, is it Veena?
Me: Yes. How may I assist you?
Caller: Are you at your desk?
Try keeping the laughter out of your voice while replying to this question :)
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Acha though is not much better. His second operation stays cancelled till date. Though, each time he seems to be heading in the other direction, the doctor prepares all of us for the operation.
Last night, he's been passing motions too frequently. His urea levels are coming down. He's been talking non-sense to Joe. And seems forgetful.
On the bright side, the Novena to Our Lady just before her birthday will begin once more from tomorrow. This year, Joel is old enough to understand that he has to strew flowers for her. I hope to catch him on camera trying to do this.
Since at work, I've cooled down considerably, I've also begun surfing and checking out all the URL's that keep getting advertised or flaunted in my face. I'm glad to discover that my favorite store Fabindia is an online presence. And I'm going to be saving up to buy a few items out there. Check out the store. :)
Sunday, August 26, 2007
I looked forward to the longish weekend (since Monday is an off for 'Thiru Onam') of doing nothing but reading, watching a little TV, talking to Acha and generally doing nothing important.
By the time Amrith, Joel and I reached home at Udupi, we were greeted with a locked door with lights on inside. Something was wrong. Very wrong.
Tried contacting Kala. Her phone was at home. Finally got through to Joe and came to know that:
- Acha had been passing urine and stools without his knowledge
- had turned pretty weak, with his legs buckling every time he tried to stand straight.
- he'd been taken to Hi Tech hospital.
Amrith and Joe took him to KMC after that while Joel and I came home. The trio returned close to 12 in the night and we thought that Sat only had a routine check up in store.
Acha seemed fine on Sat morning. Amrith left for college. After his bath, took Acha to the Neuro OPD. After a longish wait, a Dr. Singh came to his bedside and instructed a scan. Getting ready to move him, we met Dr. Raja and he asked that Acha be admitted. With no other go, we did thinking it was just another routine checkup. By eod last evening, surgery had been placed on the table.
Today seems a long wait just to know how things are.
As of last night, the misery I felt related to work got a different perspective after speaking to ex-boss (G). Though I had never wanted to tell him of all people, I blurted out the entire story. I still feel I shouldn't have.
Had a weird dream that Joel arm was eaten from the inside. I could see the inside and it looked painful and ugly. Was thinking why didn't Joel scream from pain or say anything and felt nauseated from the sight. That's when I woke up. Checked that Joel was fine.
A while later, the cupboard overhead near the bed opened and a box of tools dropped down. This morning while inspecting, noticed that there's a latch and the cupboard was locked, yet this thing dropped.
I feel this is a sign of warning. An omen. Of what? About what? I have no clue.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Came to know from Mom that I'd been screaming in my sleep. There seems no constructive way to let go of this anger. I can't remember being this frustrated and angry before.
Eaten up inside and can't do anything about it.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Been thinking about:
- How do we (Amrith & I) manage Acha after Joe leaves
- Should I throw a party for Joel's birthday or not
- How do I tackle that ESOP loan
- How do I rearrange next to nil finances to pay the interest on that loan
- What would I do if I had the money to get out of the rut I'm in
- Can I fire my boss?
- Which is the best way to give vent to all this negative emotion within me
- Chucking the diet and just doing exactly as I please
- Changing jobs
- What am I best suited for
- .... more that can't be typed down here.
A person once likened me to a calm sea. It looks like very calm. But underneath, there's a lot of churning and bubbling and motion.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Thursday, August 16, 2007
- Who am I?
- From whom or where do I come from?
- To whom or where am I going to?
- Do I have a choice or not?
On my way to the food court again. It's Thanu's birthday today. And she's treating the department folks. :)
Came to know of Dr. Raja who gives the medical profession a bad name. Till then had just heard that he existed. Now I knew he demanded money and then treated his patients. Way to go Mr. Neuro Surgeon. Slap those people real hard that they don't come to you again.
What does one do about such doctors?
- Write about them?
- Ask NDTV or CNN IBN to do a 'live scoop' on them?
- Give them bad publicity?
- Hold the hospital management responsible?
Heck! Becoz of his ego, one of his own hospital's employees died and the blame is now put on Dr. C who's treating Acha.
We are independent. aren't we!!
On Wed evening Amrith dropped Joel and me at Haleangadi. Met Naomi for the first time after her wedding and her sons Jonah and Noah for the first time. Also met Aunt Emy, Deepa, Navin and Evita. Good to see them. Hope to capture them on camera tomorrow when they come visiting at Urwa.
Joel enjoyed Jonah's company :)
Came to know from Joe that Acha has been brought to the ICU today.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Friday morning drove to the hospital along with dad, mom and Joel. I stayed back at the hospital till evening after sending Joel with dad & mom back to Urwa. That night reached home around 10 pm
Saturday was spent in buying rations for home in Udupi and a few hours at the hospital. With the Big Bazaar having a discount sale going on from 11th to 15th August, the Udupi joint that had recently opened up is packed from afternoon onwards. Thanks to Amrith, we managed to get a few more things for the house. Reached hom at 9 pm.
Sunday, had to pick up Ajit from the airport. His flight - Air Deccan was delayed by about an hour. We drove to Udupi and then to the hospital after he had a meal and freshened up. That night decided to stay back in Udupi since Acha's operation had been scheduled on the following day.
While driving back with Amrith, Joe and Kala, we witnessed an accident of 2 bikes colliding into each other. I'm still not clear as to how it happened. All I remember is that one guy seemed very hurt from the accident with his leg twisted at an odd angle at his knee, a trickle of blood from his mouth and a little pulsing movement by his whole body. I felt so helpless to see him and not be able to do anything to ease his pain or provide the necessary first aid treatment.
There was a doc close by who helped take the 2 critically injured guys to the hospital. Came to know this morning that the guy I saw died due to delayed medical treatment.
I know that death will come and visit me one day. Before that day arrives I'd like to finish a few things and be prepared to meet it with open arms.
1. See that Joel is well equipped and able to stand on his own feet
2. Do a course in paramedics and never feel so helpless again
3. Acknowledge that God is the only one who is the giver of life. And to Him I must return with willingness and with my 'talents' used.
Thursday, August 09, 2007
That night he was hospitalized. By Wednesday, the doctor informed us that there's been a bleeding in his brain and that we could move him to Manipal via ambulance. He was stable enough to be shifted. And so we started back to Manipal on Wednesday night, close to 12 midnight.
Thur morning saw us in Manipal and Acha definitely feeling better. He was trying to talk his way out of getting admitted to KMC, Manipal. He gave Amrith a hard time.
In the meanwhile, I took the luggage home and had a refreshing bath. Returning back to the hospital showed how much Acha had improved. His mind was working great but not his body. So he lost a bet with me and had to agree to stay in the hospital.
Dr. Chakravarthi was the doctor attending to him. A good doc who handles Acha real well. Even Acha's all praise for him.
All of us were looking forward to Acha being released from hospital care yesterday. 'Fate' had other things in store. Acha's scheduled to have an operation by next week.
Not very happy about it. In the meanwhile, I've had a few conversations with him that have taken the blinds off my eyes. I don't think I'll be able to keep a good rapport with him. I know I should and will definitely try even though it's been a few lies that I've come to know about.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
1. The Seven Minutes by Irwing Wallace
2. The Marriage Market by Nisha Minhas
The week's been totally exhausting emotionally and physically. With Acha falling ill and a book exhibition at work.
Both ends things haven't worked fine. One book vendor didn't show up. Acha was not a condition fit to be spoken to. It's been a crazy time and I'm hoping that better days happen soon.
1. Saris & Sins
2. Passions & Poppadoms.
It's always a setting between a North Indian family (Sikhs) settled abroad - England as far as the 3 books I've read.There's always a struggle between the older generation, current generation and the culture shock, culture mix - leading to confusion and sorting out.
Her writing style isn't enticing or great but yeah there's plenty of laughs. Though sometimes there's also some enlightenment about certain practices and traditions. And it's always about the current generation Indian girl facing a dilemna about what to do and how to do it right when there's plenty of wrong doing or guilt.
The books would make time-pass movies if directed well. A few did reminds me of some Bollywood movies and movies like Bend it like Beckham (I hope I spelt his name right).
In this book is a lady Jeena Gill - 27 years old, Sikh upbringing and background, working for Asian Delight as a writer of the Agony Aunt column. She's in love with Aaron (that's Ron with the Alcoholics Anonymous in the beginning) Myles who's English and teaches Japanese martial arts instructor. He's also a major Bruce Lee fan.
Jeena's parents catch Jeena having sexual intercourse with Aaron at their place and decide to send her home to India for her punishment. Jeena wriggles out the deportment by getting married to Aaron. The deal between the two is to stay married for a year. By that time Jeena's image would have been sufficiently tarnished that she'd be free to live her life on her own terms and not be bothered by the Asian mainly Indian Sikh community.What happens during that year of marriage is the main story of the book. Not going to tell you about it. Read it if you're bored and have loads of time on hand to while away.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
I've reached the portion about Harry, Ron and Hermione reaching Hogwarts. Decided to take a break, complete some work and blog a bit too :)
Monday evening I discovered that my diet didn't let me lose any weight. I hadn't gained any either. Still weighing 79 kgs on the Dr. K's weighing scale.
Getting the book on Monday evening did help me get a good start on the final story.
Tuesday, read the book very little.
Wednesday, the day I had to undergo Cross Culture Sensitivity training. Eating food with a fork and knife has never attracted me. I discovered why. It felt as uncomfortable as it looked. Had a trip down 'GUILT' lane since I had to eat paneer, rice and a yummy chocolate pastry as a part of the training. Was able to avoid bread and butter.
This morning the library system has suddenly started working fine and sent out library reminders. I think Jeethy's hands on the machine yesterday helped.
Got to keep some certificates for Scholars ready.
Monday, July 23, 2007
The plan on Friday night was to have breakfast at Diana of Sat morning. But that somehow got cancelled out since most of us woke up late. After a latish breakfast, Amrith set off to college. Ajit, Julie and I didn't do much. I had a bad cold. Joel and Keziah set off playing and writing some stuff on paper.
By lunch time, Amrith was back. Ajit and Julie were packed and left by 1:00 p.m. to catch the Matsyagandha at 1.:35 pm. Came to know from Amrith later that the train was delayed by about 20 minutes.
The afternoon was spent just catching up on sleep. Woke and went to get the much needed waxing and pampering that I wanted.
Sunday morning, went for mass. And then set off for Haleangadi to Richie uncle's place. Picked up Mai, Reena, Dilisha, Errol and Eric on the way. Had a fun time there. Wimpy and Deepak uncle joined in just as we sat down for lunch. It was nice being there once more and watch the kids go nuts on their cycles and play some games which I couldn't figure out.
It was felt good talking to Richie uncle after such a long time.
After lunch dropped Wimpy at the bus stop to Moodbidri and then Dilisha and Mai at Mai's place. The puppy and the goats there got Joel pretty excited. It was fun hearing him calling out to the goats as 'Bo-ki-di'. Started back to Urwa.
After dropping Joel at home in Urwa, went to Baby Town, picked up a baby gift and set off to Brian's place. Veena looked well after the delivery. The baby girl looked tiny, cute and as fierce as Brian :)
After that short visit, a step into the cyber cafe to check on some property sites and a meal at Yo! China.
Friday, July 20, 2007
The only addition this time was: You talk too much for a librarian. :)
Thursday, July 19, 2007
A further update from this morning:
The straps on the pair of shoes I keep in the office too broke too. That's 2 pairs in just one day!
This morning while commuting to the office by the local bus, I'm not sure what I did that the toe holder snapped. Getting down from the bus was awkward. And then I was stuck with a choice. Take a rickshaw, go home, wear a new pair and come back OR just walk into the office and wear the spare footwear I keep and hope that
1. the spare pair doesn't do something similar
2. I find a cobbler to fix the broken pair
Chose option 2. I'm so grateful that the flooring in the office is sparkling clean that I could take of my shoes once inside the building and walk barefeet to my desk.
I hope to read this some time later when I've forgotten such an incident happened and have a hearty laugh at my predicament this morning.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
I've had a lovely time with this phone. Starting with a few months after Joel's birth till date, I've been using it's camera and memory slots to keep my set of memories alive in digital format. Keeping in touch via phone calls, listening music and the 200 sms's space too have been used to maximum benefit. That's not all, Joel has drooled over it and chewed it and whacked it on floor and used it as a floor scrubber on numerous occassions. And it still had the will to stay alive.
I guess this morning was the last straw when Joel used it like his toy draggy around the place with the cell charger attached to it. It just couldn't take it anymore. Sigh! I'm going to miss the phone a lot.
Since I have to stay 'in touch' and be 'available' constantly, by this afternoon I purchased the Nokia 3110.
Oh boy! I'm excited. I hope this phone proves sturdy for a longer time than my Samsung did. Let the good times begin :)
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Ajit, Acha and Julie went to Gandhi Hospital to get the executive profile. Thanks to Acha's 'vast' knowledge, they got a few basic minimum things done. Executive profile is still unheard of in most of Udupi today save the TMA Pai and KMC hospitals.
Ajit looks well. Came to know from Amrith that his reports came out pretty clean. I'm glad.
Acha's and Julie's reports too are clear.
Back from Udupi last evening. The drive back to Mangalore was filled with a lot of insights from Amrith. As it is, the conversation between Ajit and Julie over lunch on Sunday was a little shocking for me. I expected them to have a cosy comfortable marriage. But it kind of looks otherwise. All in all, I'm beginning to dislike false pretenses. I hope I can stay the way I am with no hang-ups and pretenses and I also hope that Amrith too shares the same thoughts.
Friday, July 13, 2007
I'm most probably staying at home in Udupi on Monday. Hope that time is sufficient to get Joel and Kezu reacquainted. With Ajit and Julie around, I hope that all's well and my temper and tongue are kept in constant check.
On the workfront, Anitha's getting a transfer to Mysore, finally! I can't figure out why, what, how of what's happened till date with her. Should enlighten my boss that he needs to be a lot more careful and prepared in his dealing with everyone. Got informal feedback from a project person that he cuts a very sorry figure. This morning one more person wasn't very happy that he was anchoring Minfy Scholars.
I'd like to defend the guy but he makes it impossible for anyone to stay happy with him.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Another 2 weeks of sticking to the same thing before another visit. During these 2 weeks, the only additional items I can have are 1/2 an apple, 1/2 a pear, blueberries and butter fruit. Don't know what the last 2 items look like. Should stop by Niligiris and check.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Have been in touch with Seafarer, Copywritrix, Mumbai Call Guy and Hyd chap during this week. Glad to hear that they are doing well except for Seafarer. He lost his voice due to his treatment for the mouth ulcer (or was it cancer!). But then, in his words, the rest of him is still fine and working great.
That does bring my thoughts to the other thing which 3 of these friends share in common - an active interest and sex life. Seafarer's married with children who are on the verge of adulthood. Copywritrix, the sweet heart kind of guy, is single and too buried in his work. Mumbai Call guy, single too and I think his age and hormones don't help his control and will power much.
All's the same and usual in the rest of my world short for mom snapping at me again for somethng I found totally weird. I think it's her menopause symptoms at work again.
Time to begin my day.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Weddings happening in plenty. Amrith's cousin is getting married on 28th Jan. Puttur is too far away from Udupi. And I'm too lazy to travel on a Sunday just for a wedding. Hence giving the wedding a skip. Looking forward to Aunt Merlyn and her family dropping in. It'd be nice to see them again. Been a while since I've corresponded with Nimmy too.
Acha should be back by Thursday. So a little family reunion time once more.
Uncle Alex hasn't improved much. Still bent on troubling Acha. Sigh! When will he ever learn and grow up.
Bought a few more things at Fabindia. Amrith finally found the capris and bush shirt he was looking for. Bought Kala a set from there too. I hope she likes it.
Thoughts at this time in life are revolving on how to lose weight. The Jane Fonda CD's have begun to gather dust. I can't seem to kick off my sleep habits and man! I'm close to weighing 85 kgs. NOT GOOD!
Kiran had called when she was here. Her son Curt is now 7 months old. Wish I could have met up with her. Hope to do so the next time she's in town.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Mumbai trip was so-so. All 3 of us had an attack of loose motions. Joel's recovering slowly. He's abt 75% back to normal self. Didn't go around much since Joel wasn't able to adjust much to place. He loved travelling in the locals out there. On the flight back, something about the air hostess's butt tickled him. He kept whacking each hostess's butt everytime they walked passed our aisle seat. The one benefit we all had was meeting all the relatives. The next trip to Mumbai can be delayed for a very long time.
Back in Mangalore, the weather has lost its chill. One fair closed. And Karavali Utsav has begun. Fabindia's come to town. 2 malls and regular events are making people in Mangalore spend. Exams coming up. College Fests and School Days happening in plenty. Rumors of bundhs and strikes keep coming and going.
At work, I'm back to handling all my tasks. Plus a few more whenever the admin's on leave. Feeling the pressure. Got disillusioned last evening about a few things and people at work. I'm feeling pretty low. Trying to get a hang of this 'perception' management. I'm pissed off, unhappy and feel like being absolutely rude and bitchy to everyone at work. But that's not going to help solve this stupid, idiotic lousy phase I'm in.
A lot of thoughts, feelings and emotions are bottled up inside me. Feel like nothing's changed and i can't kick my sleeping habits. Shucks! I still have to work on losing weight. I know that I have to do to make myself feel better and that involves waking up early. At times I want to quit work, sit at home and be the regular home person. I know in 2 days flat i'll be craving to have a job. Looking for alternatives. There are times I wish I shouldn't have got married. It'd be easier handling things alone. I've not been the wife, mother, sister, daughter I'm expected to be for the past don't remember how many months. I hate what I feel and I hate that things won't change if i go into hibernation for the next 100 years either. I've lost my perspective and I'm losing out on a lot.
After typing out all this, feel a little lighter. No I'm not looking for sympathy, words of advice or push. I just wanted to let all of this out.
Gearing up for another long day. Still got a long road to travel on.