Thursday, January 18, 2007

Disillusioned!

I haven't typed in anything for so long as I had just enuff time to read and look at the pics. At work, life's been pretty hectic after the vacation.

Mumbai trip was so-so. All 3 of us had an attack of loose motions. Joel's recovering slowly. He's abt 75% back to normal self. Didn't go around much since Joel wasn't able to adjust much to place. He loved travelling in the locals out there. On the flight back, something about the air hostess's butt tickled him. He kept whacking each hostess's butt everytime they walked passed our aisle seat. The one benefit we all had was meeting all the relatives. The next trip to Mumbai can be delayed for a very long time.

Back in Mangalore, the weather has lost its chill. One fair closed. And Karavali Utsav has begun. Fabindia's come to town. 2 malls and regular events are making people in Mangalore spend. Exams coming up. College Fests and School Days happening in plenty. Rumors of bundhs and strikes keep coming and going.

At work, I'm back to handling all my tasks. Plus a few more whenever the admin's on leave. Feeling the pressure. Got disillusioned last evening about a few things and people at work. I'm feeling pretty low. Trying to get a hang of this 'perception' management. I'm pissed off, unhappy and feel like being absolutely rude and bitchy to everyone at work. But that's not going to help solve this stupid, idiotic lousy phase I'm in.

A lot of thoughts, feelings and emotions are bottled up inside me. Feel like nothing's changed and i can't kick my sleeping habits. Shucks! I still have to work on losing weight. I know that I have to do to make myself feel better and that involves waking up early. At times I want to quit work, sit at home and be the regular home person. I know in 2 days flat i'll be craving to have a job. Looking for alternatives. There are times I wish I shouldn't have got married. It'd be easier handling things alone. I've not been the wife, mother, sister, daughter I'm expected to be for the past don't remember how many months. I hate what I feel and I hate that things won't change if i go into hibernation for the next 100 years either. I've lost my perspective and I'm losing out on a lot.

After typing out all this, feel a little lighter. No I'm not looking for sympathy, words of advice or push. I just wanted to let all of this out.

Gearing up for another long day. Still got a long road to travel on.

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