Thursday, September 25, 2008

Rough day and night

Yesterday was hell. I hope it never repeats again. Started off ok but the more I got into my day I hated it. By night I was too exhausted and drained emotionally and mentally. To add to it was a cold and cough to ensure I didn’t get much sleep either.
High points of yesterday:
  • A user confirming my Advanced Help Desk request with a positive and encouraging comment.
  • Attending Iftaar party in office with Anitha and Deepthi. Picked up 2 packets of chicken biryani for home.
  • Being able to complete a few tasks at work which were long pending including sorting through the books selected for library during exhibition time.
Low points of yesterday:
  • Pushing myself beyond limits at home and still getting to hear about ‘it’
  • Joel and his crankiness
  • Sis and her attitude
  • No time to get in touch with myself and unwind peacefully
  • Rotten stupid idiotic thoughts
Not sure how I’m going to get through today. I feel totally crushed and squeezed on the inside. Knowing Deep and anitha they’re definitely going to pester me about what’s bugging me. Don’t want to whine, crib and complain. I’ve had enough.
In the meanwhile, do dad’s stitches on the tongue qualify dad to have a black mark on the tongue?

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Do I or do I not?

Been thinking about whether I should give up the one I love most or not. Haven’t decided yet. Not an easy decision to make. How did I reach this stage? I’m tired of being plagued by these crazy, irritating, bugging and stupid thoughts that just jump out of nowhere and steal my peace.
On the pregnancy front, met doc last evening. She’s asked me to get my ultrasound done sooner than later i.e. by 30th September. A physician check too ordered after Monday’s bout of 2 hours of feeling faint and out of sorts. The weather sucks. The heat’s making me feel more miserable. My back aches more often than not. I’m one kg less than what I weighed finally when I was carrying Joel. The thought of putting on any more scares me more than anything else. This baby’s definitely a boy going by the way it’s been kicking and trying to play football inside. The bright side of this visit was that the doc said I’m due on 18th instead of 20th Nov. Now that cheers me up immensely since I want to have this baby in this world sooner than later.
On home front, Amrith’s got a chance at a job with a reputed firm in Bangalore. He’s also giving a shot at immigration to Canada. Costs about Rs. 8 lakhs in all. Whichever happens first is the lifetime achievement winner. Udupi house is for sale for sure. I’m tired of the back and forth discussions. If all works well, hope to say goodbye to Udupi by Oct end. And hello to the flat by Nov/Dec end.
Joel’s learning a lot of rhymes and songs at school. The new book has been scribbled in. He loves getting his hands on a pen and book and then scribbling all over it. If it’s not that, then cut the book into pieces. Not sure whether we’d have to purchase book 3 before the year end. Got to hide those scissors, knives and match sticks.
Dad had a minor operation on the tip of his tongue yesterday. He’s been discharged today and he’s back to nagging BSNL about their lousy broadband service. Good old dad!

Friday, September 19, 2008

Life during the 8th month

I’m so happy to find this: Will work on converting all the .3gp video clippings I have of Joel and a few instances. Prob is that I don’t know where to store the converted files. Home comp needs to be upgraded. Got to reminder Narendra to send me the blessed quotes for the comp with different configurations.
Personal loan was closed during the beginning of Sept. So that’s about 2.5k saved a month. Can direct that fund into paying off home loan or making the amount grow bit faster. I’m more for the second option Got to talk to Colaco and find out what strategy to follow.
If all goes well, within a month after delivery, I guess Amrith and I will finally move into the flat. Hoping that Amrith’s final interview in Bangalore works out. If it does, then I guess life should be a little less of a financial struggle but a whole lot more juggling on the home front.
At work, although I have no issues with anyone I just feel like I should be doing more. The prob is that I have no enthu to do it. Decided that I’m going to take an extended maternity leave of a month. After that I think I’ll take up the part time work policy for a year. 5 hours for 5 days a week doesn’t sound bad even though it’s half pay. Especially since the 5 hours include a 30 minutes lunch break :).
Talking about food, hubby and a friend constantly remind me of reducing weight after delivery. I’m fine with weight loss. I don’t want to complain of aches and pains before I turn 40. For that matter even after 40 I’d rather be able to enjoy a brisk walk or quickly climbing stairs without panting and puffing. The only concern I have this time is what if this is another C baby. I hated the first C I had.
Can Nov 20th come soon please? If the baby wants to come out sooner that’s fine with me too.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Mangalore of late

Mangalore's been a place where clashes based on religion were minimum. Looks like no more. Hired goons have got a lot of political backing. Frequency of negative incidents is increasing. It's a group of goons trying to show their power and might saying they are doing it for the universal good of their fellow religion brethren.
The Oct incident a few years back started off with cow slaughter. Before that because of one guy from one religion teased a girl from another religion. This time it's conversions. The goons are claiming they did it. The folks in charge are turning a blind eye on their activities. What got me real bad was that the cops who were supposed to be protecting people damaged property and went to the extent of assaulting ladies.
I'm tired of the muck and dirt and filth. I'd like to do something constructive and get that crap out of here. Only I'm clueless.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Dreams again

In a span of 4 hours (3:00 AM to 7:00 AM), I’ve had 3 weird and kind of scary dreams this morning.
Dream 1:
BV is in Mangalore. And we’re taking a local bus ride to I don’t know where. I can see the bus approaching Ladyhill stop. And I know that I’ll have to get off at that stop. I have my helmet in hand. BV will continue onward. He’s telling me about some person from Kashmir coming down to Mangalore for treatment of cancer or something serious like that which I can’t recollect correctly right now. I was wondering about 2 things:
1. Why am I holding my helmet if I’m in a bus. Vaguely remember that I think I parked my vehicle in Fr. Mullers Hospital parking lot.
2. Why should a person from Kashmir come to Mangalore when there are so many other hospitals better equipped to deal with his disease. Is he Mangalorean or something happening in Mangalore that I’m unaware of?
Dream 2:
This one has a serial killer in it.
Near the water front, a sea I think. Clean beach and sands. Not very populated. A group of girls or ladies are playing and enjoying their vacation. A guy drives up in his jeep and asks for ‘Anita’. Anita is dark haired when the rest are blonde. And she and I know that this guy is out to get her. He’s not going to harm the other ladies. Just her. The ladies help her to get on to some bike which appears out of nowhere and she’s riding away to save her life. The guy chases her in his jeep.
Scene changes to a water fall which she has to cross using the old wooden bridge. Her bike’s not going to take the weight of her and her bike. Yet she rides on with the hope that if she ever makes it to the other side, the guy can’t follow her since he can’t follow her in a jeep. When she almost reaches the end of the bridge, it breaks. She’s clinging on to the bridge and climbing up. Bike’s fallen into the river below and washed away.
How do I know the guy’s a serial killer? No idea. I just know it. And so does she. And I can see her and him clearly. I’m just hoping they can’t see me. Especially him.
Dream 3:
Serial killer of Dream 2 and a shark in this one.
Serial killer is sitting in the house of an old friend (old man) who has a very young daughter (teenager). The house is situated a little into the sea above water. Old man is sitting at a hole in his house fishing. Serial killer is relaxing on the porch above hole and chatting with old man. Serial killer notices a shark under old man’s feet. Shark gobbles up old man and serial killer does not bother warning him. Teenage daughter comes searching for her dad. She’s a blonde with her hair in plaits. She reaches the hole and notices her dad isn’t around. She looks up at serial killer and is suddenly afraid of him. Serial killer notices blood on her right shoulder. This brings about a deadly change in him,
Woke up at this juncture. For the record, I have not been watching any horror movies or reading any horrible stuff. Drinking is out of the question.