Saturday, December 31, 2016

Guilt and resentment

I may not be the happiest mother right now because I believe I don't spend enough time with my children. I resent being a working mom, not a working woman. No a woman can't have it all unless she has some help.

As I vented out to an ex-principal of a kindergarten school, she gave me a better perspective. One which made me realise that though I was working I still was a part of my children's lives and I wasn't as disconnected from them as I thought.

The guilt and resentment is now just a quiet discontentment. Someday I will be able to look back on this period with a much better perspective. Until then happy to see my children growing up in little ways into better human beings.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Should all aquaintance be forgot...

Listening to Susan Boyle sing tonight. I listened to her sing 'I dreamed a dream' on a Youtube clipping a very long time ago. Apart from her throwing the judges and audience into a loop, I didn't think much beyond the phrase 'Don't judge a book by its cover'.

Why I listen to her tonight is because of a session I attended at work about Creative Confidence which is about what stops us from speaking up and how to get over those barriers.

The same clipping was played during the session and a brief about her life was shared. That got me curious to read about her. But more than that it was her voice I wanted to listen to again. I'm glad I downloaded her songs.

Her rendition of Auld Lang Syne got me thinking of my life this year. 2016 has not been an easy year. The year began and almost ended the same way. Hospitals, doctors, tests, reports, juggling expectations from office and home and mostly from myself.

Grateful to God for all that He showed me about me. I hit my lowest at the start of the year. But the ending is not a low, yet.

Friends have come and gone and some have reappeared for a good measure. Relationships have gained new meaning. Some broken for good. Some renewed as if there was no time gap. New ones are slowly budding.

I'm learning a new skill - cooking. Hoping that becomes a good skill sooner than later.

My learnings this year:
- Friends , the real good ones, are rare. Cherish them. Don't let go of those gems.
- Children are what marriages give. They seem to be the only good side. The rest? I'll keep that learning off this place.
- Health is important. Self first before you tackle or ty support anyone else's issues.
- Still sticking to not taking crap from anyone.
- Learn one new thing every year and practice it till you are so comfortable doing it wih your eyes closed.
- Hugs can make one's day. Give them and accept them without reservations.

Auld Lang Syne - though I don't know the meaning of the phrase, the song seems to fit my mood.

Goodbye 2016. 2017 be kind.

Wednesday, December 07, 2016

Life and Death

Death stops life. Life cannot stop death. They cannot exist without the other.

I suppose all one can do is make a life worthy to be remembered after death. If a life has made an impact, it will be remembered beyond death. Else both are so shallow, meaningless.