The world I live in

My days are much better now. I don't feel the boiling madness within. Nor do I feel like tearing apart the world and people. Acha though is not much better. His second operation stays cancelled till date. Though, each time he seems to be heading in the other direction, the doctor prepares all of us for the operation. Last night, he's been passing motions too frequently. His urea levels are coming down. He's been talking non-sense to Joe. And seems forgetful. On the bright side, the Novena to Our Lady just before her birthday will begin once more from tomorrow. This year, Joel is old enough to understand that he has to strew flowers for her. I hope to catch him on camera trying to do this. Since at work, I've cooled down considerably, I've also begun surfing and checking out all the URL's that keep getting advertised or flaunted in my face. I'm glad to discover that my favorite store Fabindia is an online presence. And I'm going to be saving up to buy a f...

By Friday evening, I simmered down to the extent that I could joke about my 'angry woman' face. Had decided not to do anything or talk to anyone about it. But just let it be and do what I was expected to do. Then look at my situation again and see if it still needed to 'fixed'. I looked forward to the longish weekend (since Monday is an off for 'Thiru Onam') of doing nothing but reading, watching a little TV, talking to Acha and generally doing nothing important. By the time Amrith, Joel and I reached home at Udupi, we were greeted with a locked door with lights on inside. Something was wrong. Very wrong. Tried contacting Kala. Her phone was at home. Finally got through to Joe and came to know that: Acha had been passing urine and stools without his knowledge had turned pretty weak, with his legs buckling every time he tried to stand straight. he'd been taken to Hi Tech hospital. We rushed there to see him alright but something definitely seemed out of place...

I'm trying to work off this negative energy that doesn't seem to be going anywhere but just staying within. Came to know from Mom that I'd been screaming in my sleep. There seems no constructive way to let go of this anger. I can't remember being this frustrated and angry before. Eaten up inside and can't do anything about it.

This is something I'm sure most of us never stop doing. In my case, I think too much. Or that's what most of the folks I've spoken to tell me. Been thinking about: - How do we (Amrith & I) manage Acha after Joe leaves - Should I throw a party for Joel's birthday or not - How do I tackle that ESOP loan - How do I rearrange next to nil finances to pay the interest on that loan - What would I do if I had the money to get out of the rut I'm in - Can I fire my boss? - Which is the best way to give vent to all this negative emotion within me - Chucking the diet and just doing exactly as I please - Changing jobs - What am I best suited for - .... more that can't be typed down here. A person once likened me to a calm sea. It looks like very calm. But underneath, there's a lot of churning and bubbling and motion.

Thanuja's snaps have long evaded my grasp. Here's the most recent one. We celebrated her birthday a few days late. Some idiot at the office switched off the fridge in which we'd stored her Mocha Birthday Cake. Come Monday and the thing stinks rotted. Had to order for the cake once more. VSN (short for Suryanarayana V) is my new boss (since Dec 2006). Don't have much of a rapport with him currently. Not sure if I want to build one up with him either. Ashwini was the last addition to the group. Very quiet lady most of the time.

Had gone to the food court with Usha about an hour ago. Just back and the questions that are revolving in my mind are: Who am I? From whom or where do I come from? To whom or where am I going to? Do I have a choice or not? On my way to the food court again. It's Thanu's birthday today. And she's treating the department folks. :)

Had been to Udupi on Tue evening. Amrith picked us up from Suratkal. Drove to the hospital and just waited near the ICU. For sure we (Joel and I) weren't going to be allowed into the unit. Came to know of Dr. Raja who gives the medical profession a bad name. Till then had just heard that he existed. Now I knew he demanded money and then treated his patients. Way to go Mr. Neuro Surgeon. Slap those people real hard that they don't come to you again. What does one do about such doctors? Write about them? Ask NDTV or CNN IBN to do a 'live scoop' on them? Give them bad publicity? Hold the hospital management responsible? Heck! Becoz of his ego, one of his own hospital's employees died and the blame is now put on Dr. C who's treating Acha. We are independent. aren't we!! On Wed evening Amrith dropped Joel and me at Haleangadi. Met Naomi for the first time after her wedding and her sons Jonah and Noah for the first time. Also met Aunt Emy, Deepa, Navin and Evita. ...

Just got word from Amrith that Acha's operation's over. Yippee!

Since I'd taken an off from work on Friday, 10th August, 2007, I was able to do justice to going between Manipal and Urwa for 3 whole days. Friday morning drove to the hospital along with dad, mom and Joel. I stayed back at the hospital till evening after sending Joel with dad & mom back to Urwa. That night reached home around 10 pm Saturday was spent in buying rations for home in Udupi and a few hours at the hospital. With the Big Bazaar having a discount sale going on from 11th to 15th August, the Udupi joint that had recently opened up is packed from afternoon onwards. Thanks to Amrith, we managed to get a few more things for the house. Reached hom at 9 pm. Sunday, had to pick up Ajit from the airport. His flight - Air Deccan was delayed by about an hour. We drove to Udupi and then to the hospital after he had a meal and freshened up. That night decided to stay back in Udupi since Acha's operation had been scheduled on the following day. While driving back with Amrith, J...

He's not been well for a while now. Last Monday (30th July) had to rush to Kerala with Amrith to talk him into returning home. When we reached there, we discovered that he was in no state to be talked to. He was lying down without able to speak much or move at all. Was scared that he was on his death bed. That night he was hospitalized. By Wednesday, the doctor informed us that there's been a bleeding in his brain and that we could move him to Manipal via ambulance. He was stable enough to be shifted. And so we started back to Manipal on Wednesday night, close to 12 midnight. Thur morning saw us in Manipal and Acha definitely feeling better. He was trying to talk his way out of getting admitted to KMC, Manipal. He gave Amrith a hard time. In the meanwhile, I took the luggage home and had a refreshing bath. Returning back to the hospital showed how much Acha had improved. His mind was working great but not his body. So he lost a bet with me and had to agree to stay in the hospit...

A week away from work for totally unexpected reasons. That's what it was. I got to read a few books to kill time and journey: 1. The Seven Minutes by Irwing Wallace 2. The Marriage Market by Nisha Minhas The week's been totally exhausting emotionally and physically. With Acha falling ill and a book exhibition at work. Both ends things haven't worked fine. One book vendor didn't show up. Acha was not a condition fit to be spoken to. It's been a crazy time and I'm hoping that better days happen soon.

If you've read any of Nisha's books, this one too ain't much different from the rest. Till date, I've read 2 of her books: 1. Saris & Sins 2. Passions & Poppadoms. It's always a setting between a North Indian family (Sikhs) settled abroad - England as far as the 3 books I've read.There's always a struggle between the older generation, current generation and the culture shock, culture mix - leading to confusion and sorting out. Her writing style isn't enticing or great but yeah there's plenty of laughs. Though sometimes there's also some enlightenment about certain practices and traditions. And it's always about the current generation Indian girl facing a dilemna about what to do and how to do it right when there's plenty of wrong doing or guilt. The books would make time-pass movies if directed well. A few did reminds me of some Bollywood movies and movies like Bend it like Beckham (I hope I spelt his name right). In this book is ...

Got the e-book version of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows a few days before I got the proper book copy in hand. Thanks to a colleague I can now read the book during all those odd and snatched bits of time. I've reached the portion about Harry, Ron and Hermione reaching Hogwarts. Decided to take a break, complete some work and blog a bit too :) Monday evening I discovered that my diet didn't let me lose any weight. I hadn't gained any either. Still weighing 79 kgs on the Dr. K's weighing scale. Getting the book on Monday evening did help me get a good start on the final story. Tuesday, read the book very little. Wednesday, the day I had to undergo Cross Culture Sensitivity training. Eating food with a fork and knife has never attracted me. I discovered why. It felt as uncomfortable as it looked. Had a trip down 'GUILT' lane since I had to eat paneer, rice and a yummy chocolate pastry as a part of the training. Was able to avoid bread and butter. This morning...

Reached Udupi on Friday night. As usual Amrith had come down to Mangalore to pick Joel and me. Had a quick dinner at home and set off. Reached Udupi in good time even though the roads weren't any better and we had to stop to buy Joel a packet of biscuits. The plan on Friday night was to have breakfast at Diana of Sat morning. But that somehow got cancelled out since most of us woke up late. After a latish breakfast, Amrith set off to college. Ajit, Julie and I didn't do much. I had a bad cold. Joel and Keziah set off playing and writing some stuff on paper. By lunch time, Amrith was back. Ajit and Julie were packed and left by 1:00 p.m. to catch the Matsyagandha at 1.:35 pm. Came to know from Amrith later that the train was delayed by about 20 minutes. The afternoon was spent just catching up on sleep. Woke and went to get the much needed waxing and pampering that I wanted. Sunday morning, went for mass. And then set off for Haleangadi to Richie uncle's place. Picked up Mai...

This statement was made just as I got of the local bus with another Infoscion. It reminded me of my kindergarten days. My class teacher said I talk too much. It also was a neat comment on my progress card. The only addition this time was: You talk too much for a librarian. :)

I did meet Sangeeta last Saturday. She had a very busy morning and I had to take her around. The last time I saw her before moving to Udupi was after her haircut. A further update from this morning: The straps on the pair of shoes I keep in the office too broke too. That's 2 pairs in just one day!

Alright, it's not 'Japani'. It's very much Indian made, bought during the visit to Mumbai during Dec 2006 and has been quite a relief for my feet especially when i had to walk distances. This morning while commuting to the office by the local bus, I'm not sure what I did that the toe holder snapped. Getting down from the bus was awkward. And then I was stuck with a choice. Take a rickshaw, go home, wear a new pair and come back OR just walk into the office and wear the spare footwear I keep and hope that 1. the spare pair doesn't do something similar 2. I find a cobbler to fix the broken pair Chose option 2. I'm so grateful that the flooring in the office is sparkling clean that I could take of my shoes once inside the building and walk barefeet to my desk. I hope to read this some time later when I've forgotten such an incident happened and have a hearty laugh at my predicament this morning.

My Samsung E730 finally breathed its last this morning after a full power recharge. Although I did get sufficient warning signals from the phone last week, I never believed it would die on me so soon. I've had a lovely time with this phone. Starting with a few months after Joel's birth till date, I've been using it's camera and memory slots to keep my set of memories alive in digital format. Keeping in touch via phone calls, listening music and the 200 sms's space too have been used to maximum benefit. That's not all, Joel has drooled over it and chewed it and whacked it on floor and used it as a floor scrubber on numerous occassions. And it still had the will to stay alive. I guess this morning was the last straw when Joel used it like his toy draggy around the place with the cell charger attached to it. It just couldn't take it anymore. Sigh! I'm going to miss the phone a lot. Since I have to stay 'in touch' and be 'available' constantl...

The weekend was nice and fun on the whole. It was good to see Keziah again. I'm sure Joel enjoyed having her around too. Wish I could have a few more days off and just sit at home with her. She's a sweet heart. Ajit, Acha and Julie went to Gandhi Hospital to get the executive profile. Thanks to Acha's 'vast' knowledge, they got a few basic minimum things done. Executive profile is still unheard of in most of Udupi today save the TMA Pai and KMC hospitals. Ajit looks well. Came to know from Amrith that his reports came out pretty clean. I'm glad. Acha's and Julie's reports too are clear. Back from Udupi last evening. The drive back to Mangalore was filled with a lot of insights from Amrith. As it is, the conversation between Ajit and Julie over lunch on Sunday was a little shocking for me. I expected them to have a cosy comfortable marriage. But it kind of looks otherwise. All in all, I'm beginning to dislike false pretenses. I hope I can stay the way...

Sis has shifted to Bangalore yesterday. She'll be home tomorrow. I hope to meet her during the weekend. If not, missed opportunity. I'm most probably staying at home in Udupi on Monday. Hope that time is sufficient to get Joel and Kezu reacquainted. With Ajit and Julie around, I hope that all's well and my temper and tongue are kept in constant check. On the workfront, Anitha's getting a transfer to Mysore, finally! I can't figure out why, what, how of what's happened till date with her. Should enlighten my boss that he needs to be a lot more careful and prepared in his dealing with everyone. Got informal feedback from a project person that he cuts a very sorry figure. This morning one more person wasn't very happy that he was anchoring Minfy Scholars. I'd like to defend the guy but he makes it impossible for anyone to stay happy with him.