The world I live in

UK left with mixed emotions. I hope that all goes well with the move and life takes a better turn for her. Glad for her but sad that once more I'm left with no one to talk to face to face. Scattered friends, voices over distances and letters that are precious. I guess that's how it will always be for me.

The place is all mine. Well, not entirely. A loan repayment in 25 years time, will truly make it mine :)

For a few minutes last evening, I was rich with about Rs. 2.5 lacs cash in hand. Felt a bit weird since I never carry so much on me. But more were the doubts: anyone looking at me? do I look like I'm carrying so much? should have I have listened to mom and hubby to take someone along with me? what if someone mugged me and then killed me? what would happen to my family after that? all this for nothing? And so on.. the thoughts went scrambling over each other in my mind. But hey! those few minutes made me grow a bit wiser. And that wisdom shall be put use if I'm in a situation like last evening again. :)

Lots of things running through my mind and not a single word can be typed down here. All centered around M and what I'm feeling right now. The memories are just too many. The guilt even more. I finally did send M an email this morning. 3 lines of farewell. Got a response about an hour later. With this I hope there are no more reminders of the time we had together and of how it painfully ended. I do hope and wish that all goes well for him. I've deleted that email just so that I don't have to remember any more. Please let this be a story ended forever. Any sequels? please let it be more pleasant than this current state of sadness and guilt.

I've taken the challenge once more to stop biting my finger nails... at least the left hand. In this respect, have bought 2 colors of nail polish. The regular transparent one which I'm using on my finger nails. I hope no one notices the bright shiny nails. Not that there's much of the nails to see anyway. A weird color whose name I cannot recollect. All I remember is that it belongs to the Street Wear and I use the color on my toe nails. Had applied the coats on Sunday and the results are visible to me alone right now. Tough keeping those fingers away from my teeth. But heck.. I want to look good and feel good. Not to forget able to peel onion skins with my fingers :)

Today's list of eseparations brought in M's name. Seeing it felt odd. I'd kind of been expecting this. And now that it's finally here, I'd been wondering whether I should write to him or not. He's leaves on the 26th of this month. A few more days in hand if I do feel like acting on the emotion that's been driving me nuts ever since I saw his name. Besides entering a short note that states no dues to the library here, didn't wish him farewell or goodbye. Just signed off the clearance. There's loads I'd like to say but nothing that seems right. Should I get in touch again or should I just let it go? Or do I let time take over?

Was in Bharat Mall last evening with Joel and mom. Was just goofing around the place with no intention to buy anything. Just looking around. The crowd as usual was turning heavy due to the weekend + festival offers. Stopped by the cosmetic counter at Big Bazaar for the first time ever since I've been going there. Was checking out the lip colors on sale. Street Wear was attractive with it's packaging and range of lip colors. However, my eyes spotted Maybelline and I thought 'Why not! let's try it out.' The lady applied a shade to the my palm and said that it was guaranteed to stay on for 12 hours. And then went on to apply 3 other shades. During this time my mind was trying to decide whether I wanted a color to stay on for more than an hour. Told the sales lady, I'd check if her guarantee was working and then come back to buy it if the shade did last. It's almost 24 hrs since and the shade hasn't rubbed off. Not even with me trying to scrub it off. What t...

Yesterday the papers were all submitted to Corp Bank. Now just waiting for the whole loan to be processed and the precious money to be credited to my account. Amrith got an unexpected holiday due to an ex-chief minister of Karnataka passing away. So HURRAY! After that another 2 steps and the flat at Golden Empire is all mine. In the meanwhile, for the past 3 days I've been working with a production unit at work on a fashion show piece. Initially I'd thought of trying the belly dancing on stage. In the end, I chickened out just because I felt I'm too huge to fit into hired costumes. Didn't want to hear a team disappointment. However, it gave me immense pleasure that my choreography based on Youtube videos proved fruitful. My students did well on stage. The only dampener was the rain that poured. Oh well! at least this time it was a real rain dance :) We won the third spot for the Fashion Show and here I am sitting and typing about it. Tired but very happy. Have called up...

Not yet. But at least I fit into a shirt which I couldn't even button up earlier. I can wear a salwar which I couldn't wear earlier. Have I lost weight? I don't know. The weighing scale isn't that good an indicator. Am I getting back into shape? Feels like it :) Not sure if having a cold today is an added bonus. Been gupling down lime juices since morning. The egg fried rice at the Food Court did help ease the nose block. :D In the meanwhile, just one thing at work keeps my spirits low. The team I'm in doesn't seem to feel like a team anymore. I'm choosing to sit quiet and see how things work out. All this on ex-boss's wedding anniversary.

I finally got to meet a Friendorama pal - Ganesh. Not what i expected. Blame it on a pic he'd kept as his visual on google talk. He was kind enough to drop me off to office all the way from Madivala. Heck! next time I'll learn to stock up my pockets with a little more cash. Met AK too. He's put on a bit more 'fat' since I last saw him. Limited time with friends is a curse. Next time I shall make sure I'm out on my own so that I can do justice to all the people that I'd like to meet up with. I've said goodbye to Friendorama but not without meeting 3 people there. Ganesh, of course, is the first on the list. The others are Brad - in an events management company and Anthony - into HR and head hunting. Let's see how these relationships grow. I sure hope I have these guys as good friends for life. The good part about Bangalore: - I got to buy 3 pairs of chappals for Rs. 300. I'm glad. I'm wearing one pair today and they are a real treat for my fee...