The world I live in

As I wait for sleep tonight My mind wanders far and wide Some of it shows up here Some forever I'll hide. Most nights a thought pops up Will I see tomorrow at all Maybe yes  maybe no So I whisper a prayer to the One Above Thank you Lord for this day For blessings and guidance, all the way Forgive me too I beg you For the good deed not done today Have mercy on me, on him, on her Keep us safe now and forevrr Should I die before I wake With grace, my soul is yours to take

How does one explain a sound to a deaf person or color to a blind person? How does one make a dead person experience life?

Extremely shy And tongue tied was she For most of her life She looked at the melee She longed to join in She tried. Yes! She did. Each time was so challenging In a space she hid What would it be like To be and not just exist What would it be like To live, flow and not resist Be brave and face The fear and self doubt Not stay cocooned In darkness about

How many of us (offline or online) say stop to a bully or offender? How many of us turn the other way or ignore thinking 'what's the use of speaking up' or advise another person to 'calm down and ignore' when faced with bullying or offensive behaviour? How many of us think 'I know what's right or wrong. You don't need to tell/teach me' when pulled up for questionable behavior / action? How many of us believe that we can 'be the change for better'?

Why is it that these negatives voices in our heads are so strong that we block the good vibes out and believe we don't deserve it at all, that we're the ones at fault, that we're the cause for someone else's grief and misery?  What drives one to go to the extreme of attempting suicide?

When I see appreciation flowing in from folks who I have no clue existed.

Was in Bangalore to attend an occassion celenration with my parents and children. We were about to settle for the night. And I see the power come back on. There's bright light outside. We all go out from the place where we are after waking up the kids.  See light rays eat people up. All of us get engulfed by one. But my daughter and I still survive.  I see a lady who thinks her car can sail over water. When the car starts sinking she starts swimming. We, who were standing on land, suddenly sink into water. It's bright and we can breathe (which is odd) and then ..  I woke up. 7.15 PM.

I'm in a car with another girl. We're in the front seat. I don't know who's driving. I'm seated on the left, her on the right. We're having an animated conversation about releasing pressure at a certain point on the hand near the thumb. Outside it's a bright beautiful day. The road is scenic with the water (beach?l) on the right and a hill/mountain on the left. She is slim, with long hair, full of life. She holds my right hand to demonstrate the pressure point concept. While we're this conversation I remember that someone else knew how to do it and was successful each time to break pressure and as I tell her and hold her left hand to show it, I look outside the car to my left and I see movement from above, so I look up. I see something hurtling down and it enters the car, into my clothes from behind near left shoulder. I realise it's a snake and I freeze. I don't move. I tell the girl/woman it's a snake and i can't move. I had felt it...

I feel for every step I take towards lesser weight, better health, I get pushed backwards 10 steps. This time it's vertigo. Didn't know this illness could be so crippling and anxiety inducing. Though my best buddy says think of the whole process as exploring your limits and move forward from there, it's been tough to do that because all I can see are the many ways this whole thing can bring my life to a halt. I love to drive and I've been advised not to for a small period at the moment. I just started t work out and that's another no go. No bending and lifting weights. And always stay hydrated. I don't know the cause but I definitely know I don't like the effects. Trying not to build mountains.

Why wait till a new year to begin focussing on health! Since I wasn't going to wait, gym membership it is. Of the 3 weeks, attended only 5 days. And where the focus is health and fitness, so far I've succeeded in catching a cold, suffering through a fever, was close to losing my voice,  fatigue is a constant companion and vertigo just made it presence felt. Oh! I crossed over into cholesterol land. Got to see what else I have coming up my way to stay healthy in body, soul and mind. The heart is on vacation 😁.

Woke up thinking I had my reading glasses on. Actually checked when I opened my eyes. 😂

I wonder what triggers me to dream. I missed my bag on the bus. And by the time I got it back it didnt have everything that was supposed to be in it. - Dream this morning

Ever noticed the sensations felt while drinking water which is a little above chilled temperature? I always want to drink more cold water just to feel the cold inside till it hits my stomach.

Didn't know a stressful Monday could inspire work related dreams. This one has me in a team meeting and my boss ok with me putting in extra hours to work on a task. I don't recollect what the task was. On the reality front, is inability to handle emotions a sign of menopause commencing? I don't see why I should be seated in an emotional rollercoaster. I don't like the ride at all. I still want a dog.  

She will try, approach, reason out, rethink, overthink and a lot more. Most probably go through a lot of pulls and pushes. But when she walks away, it's because she is done. No looking back.

There are days when I want to talk to everyone. There are days I dont want to talk to anyone and hide and hope people dont remember i exist. There are days I feel invisible even when I have a mega good vibe on. There are days I feel lower than dirt. There are days I feel calm collected. I wish I could just flow and be at peace, kinda likr one with the universe.

This one had a policeman alert me that someone was claiming my property was his. Go to check on it with Dad's help and find out VKN is behind it. Try recollecting if i have signed any documents (written in Malayalam or some other language) to give away what's mine. Initially thought that it was not possible that VKN could be behind this. Later get to know it is possible and probably true after interacting with him. I know I thought of hubby and the kids. Woke up with a 'No it doesn't belong to you' thought resonating through my head.

Something must be really wrong with me if my mood gets affected so badly by my kids arguing in the morning. Their squabble wasn't their usual loud annpying one but heck! I was all set for physical abuse. Need to calm down enough to work through this awful mind and soul hurting moment.

1 related to rapes and murders.  The other related to a US family trip in November and the confusion over what to pack. Sigh!

Woke up knowing that I have to take my kids to school. Forgot that I have to reach office too. 🤷‍♀️